5:00 a.m.

The pink 65 cm. exercise ball I was using as a desk chair developed a slow leak so I bought another one. It came with a DVD featuring a frighteningly perky-looking Exercise Lady. The ball takes forever to inflate with the toy plastic pump they provide, so I’ve been doing it a little at a time and feel slightly self-conscious about the heavy-breathing noises the pump makes—one of those times you hope no upper-level administrator is striding down the hall about to pay a visit. Other examples (purely hypothetical, of course): when everyone’s down on the floor playing with the brand-new puppy someone smuggled in to show off. Or when you have just forwarded a funny YouTube clip (e.g., “Dog Afraid of the Water”) to your coworkers and the chain-reactions are erupting all down the hall. Or when (fill in the blank)…